aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

I just want to go outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I think it would make me feel a lot better. I think it would just let me get rid of all this pent up nasty energy inside of me. It has been a frustrating couple of days. Yesterday it was all about work drama that I'm not even going to get into because it will probably just piss me off all over again. But today it has just been my family. My sister came into town with my little niece, which is great, but Harmony is just so frustrating. Just the way she goes about things and her philosophy about things. Like me and the rest of the siblings and my mom were all going to go to lunch tomorrow because Harm and the baby came into town and yesterday was Ptarmica's birthday, so it was just going to be a fun family thing to do. But NO... Harmony won't go because she doesn't trust that the cooks and waitresses didn't go to work sick REALLY - you are going to live your life not doing anything on the off chance that someone you might run into has a cold. That is just such crap. I was trying to organize something nice, but she just wasn't having any of it. Then there was the whole thing with the car situation. She won't ride in my mom's car because apparently it has an exhaust leak that just makes her feel like she is going to pass out when she rides in the car, so she had to be picked up in my car. Which was totally fine with me, until she was just herself and was snaughty on the phone and hung up on me.

What caused me to sit at my computer and try to hide the tears streaming down my cheek, though, was my dad snapping at me. My mom was talking about what time she needed to leave the house in the morning to pick up one of her co-workers on the way to the office. She needed to leave by 6:35 a.m., but then when my dad was responding to her he said 7:35 a.m. So, i just asked "7:35???" and he just yelled at me "oh, come on!" In a mean tone - my dad is good at those. I guess he just thought it was obvious that he was talking about 6:35, but my sister is in town, and I could so picture her getting confused with the different times being talked about, because unlike me, Harmony doesn't know that my mom has to be at work at 7. I could have seen Harmony getting up in the morning thinking she would be able to catch a ride with my mom at 7:35, but my mom would have already been gone. I shouldn't have letting my dad's tone bother me - that is just how he is. But for some reason added on top of yesterday's events and the crap from today, it just made me really upset. So, i was sitting at the living room table fighting back tears, trying to hide them from everyone in the living room. I think I succeeded in hiding them, no one said anything anyway. But, i guess that doesn't really mean anything.

Also, it is Tuesday, yet again. So as i'm typing on my computer, I'm staring at my shot sitting in front of me. It just taunts me. It just sits there knowing that it is time to be injected into my tummy - it is laughing at me. Ok, that is overboard. But, ya, I don't want to take the shot, but there it is sitting right in front of me, reminding me that it is time to just go ahead and do it!

I guess I'll just give in and take the damn shot. Then I'll just go fall asleep reading. I'll probably have a good little cry, too. I think it is just time to let all this pent up negative energy out... crying is always good for that, and It has been a little while since I've let myself give into that impulse.

So, here I go... shot, read, cry, bed.... great night off, right?