And it all comes crashing down

Today was a new experience for me, and not really "new" in a good way. I've had to come to grips with the fact that I am not OK, that this treatment is taking a toll on me more than I have wanted to admit. I don't like admitting that I am weak, that I can't do everything I could do before. I have been pushing myself to lead a normal non-treatment life, and purposely not telling people about it so they won't look at me differently. I guess I need to come to terms with reality, though. I have to realize that I am not 100% by any means, today was the first day that it really hit me, and it hit me hard - I wound up in the emergency room.

Let me start from the beginning.

This morning, I woke up at 4:30 a.m., just like every other day I have to open Highliner. I went to work and everything was fine; although I felt hungrier than usual. Anyway, I got everything set up for work and was just chatting with Brandy, the baker, while I waited for customers.

Around 6 a.m. I decided to cook my oatmeal because my stomach just didn't seem right; i figured eating would help - it usually cures most things that are ever wrong with me - food is good! I took a couple bites of oatmeal, but then a customer pulled up to the drive-thru. I started fixing her double tall skinny latte but felt weird. I was dizzy and a little disoriented - definitely not OK. I went and grabbed the phone by the cash register at the window, dropped it, picked it back up and dialed my bosses number while walking back to the espresso machine. Melissa answered. I remember saying "Melissa, It's Coral down at the shop. I'm not feeling well, I think that you should call someone else." That's as much as I remember saying to her, and next thing I know my head is up against the espresso machine and I'm stairing at the phone, which was no longer connected - weird. I fumbled with the machine to swish around the latte milk steaming, and to pore the shots, and next thing I know I'm falling to the floor. I don't really remember hitting, but I was awake for the fall and got right back up. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that I needed to finish the drink I was making and get this women out-a-here so I could hang my head out the window and get some fresh air.

I took the women her latte and began to ring her up. I was trying to push the appropriate buttons on the cash register to ring her up, but next thing I know, I'm being woken up to Brandy and Dee (the women with the latte) freaking out and saying to call 911. Brandy helped me sit up and asks if I want her to call 911, and of course I say "no, i think i'm fine." However, Melissa (my boss who i had already called), got weirded out that I hung up on her, so she went and looked at the TV moniters in her house, which stream there from the shop. She saw me pass out, and had already called 911! The fire station is right next door, so three EMTs ran over and beet the ambulance! I was pale as a ghost and my blood pressure and pulse were crazy high. They advised that I go to the hospital, but they were not forcing me to take the ambulance. I called my dad and he came to get me. Haha, so me... always thinking about saving money. Why pay for the ambulance when I can just get a ride?

My lab work came out fine in the emergency room, and my heart is just fine - not a heart attack. The doctor figures the same as what I had told the EMTs. I took my shot for treatment last night, and this was probably just some sort of reaction to it. Suggested treatment from the doc = rest up and drink lots of fluids - surprise surprise! This was only the second week of my new work schedule. I didn't use to open the morning after taking my shot. Last Wednesday I was super tiered all day. When I took my break at 9 a.m., I went to Sunni's office and put my head on the desk cause i just wanted to go to sleep. Anyone who knows me, knows that that is not me. When I am up, I am up. I don't take naps - I don't need naps... I'm just an all around energized smiley girl. Not last Wednesday. I got off work and went home and slept for a few hours!

So, this Wednesday, what was different? Why instead of being just super tiered, did I pass the fuck out and end up in the hospital with tubes, gowns, tongue depressors, thermometers, stethoscopes and urine samples? I don't know and the doctor couldn't tell me, but what I do know is that this treatment is getting more tricky. I can't keep things from people when I pass out in front of them. Now, I'm going to have to give some sort of explanation to my boss. Do i tell her about my illness, or do i just give her some half truth about adverse reactions to some medication that I'm taking and that everything will be fine. What ever I tell her, I should probably let her know that opening on Wednesdays probably isn't the best idea for me.

I don't know what to do. All I know is that I'm tiered and Its time to take a nap. It has been an eventful morning and its only 10 a.m.

OUCH... My elbow hurts... damn cement/tile floor must smacked it as I hit the deck :(